Aidan Down In The Crib: A Ma'amhood Story

Yesterday morning I sat in the darkness of my bedroom, enjoying a few moments of coffee and quiet before the morning chaos (one 11yr old getting ready for school and two toddlers waking up) broke loose where I could just breathe.

This is when I heard the pitter-patter of feet headed in my direction. I peeked an eye open. The door to the bedroom was partially closed, but slowly, as if in some horror movie swung open. There stood my 2yr old son, Aidan, with a big grin on his face. I put the coffee aside as he walked over to my side of the bed. "Hi" he said in a quiet voice.

I was simultaneously surprised by his whisper soft voice and his appearance. He slept in a crib. A crib that he had only once before tried to escape from, giving him a big bonk on the head. So unless he'd managed to saw off a few bars, he'd now learned to climb over and out, without injury. And he was proud.

I lifted him up on to my rounded lap (what's left of it at 7 months pregnant) and cuddled him to me. My little boy was becoming a big boy. I was charmed. His father, now coming out of his morning coma, was amazed. We spent the morning talking about our big boy and how fast things change.

Then came nap time. And, because all men have the innate ability to sense oncoming family misrule, Mark left with Stephan to go to the store.

This left me with Abby who had already napped, and Aidan who had a scheduled nap of 1pm. I had been so proud to succeed in making this schedule because any sense of control that I have in regards to my children eases the anxiety that somehow I am going to be overwhelmed and Mark will come home to find me bound and gagged in the corner while they cover me with toilet paper.

So when Mark had gone away the previous holiday on business, I had succeeded in getting our children on a predictable, comfortable schedule. For 4 days it was Aidan down at 1pm and usually awake by 3pm. During this time, Grandpa would come over and watch Abby so that I could get some well-needed rest. I had been proud. I was confident. I was in control. I could handle all these kids.

Now, after three escapes from his crib, and the nursery in general, I was no longer charmed. And my confidence was shot. He was cranky, i was crankier, and I had no idea what to do. Deep breathing wasn't going to help HIM go to sleep. I lugged him back into the nursery and put him in his crib. I went through the normal routine: blankie, Binky, pat on the back, make sure the noise cancellation machine was on, and exit quietly. Within 3 minutes he came back out. I groaned.

He laughed. I considered chicken wire over the top of his bed.

Off again we went to the room. This time he was no longer laughing but howling. In his little mind, three minute power naps were perfect. Really Mom, I'm not tired. I'm two and I know better than you.

Standing over his crib, watching him kick and scream, I wondered what the parenting books would tell me. I also bemoaned why, when I had finally conquered the nap time routine, that my children had decided Mom was ready for a whole new level of game play. Aidan was looking at me as if I were the worst Mommy in the world and sobbing. I felt like joining him.

Parenting books would say something like "hold him, sing to him, sit in the room and read until he falls into a peaceful sleep." What they don't tell you is that while you are spending the next 30 minutes trying to coax your toddler to sleep is that your 1 yr old is in the other room discovering that the VCR would be a good place to stash a book. And a pen. And maybe even half a doll, if you push reallly HARD. My mom-sense tingled.

I gave up on Aidan and ran to check on Abby. She was being an angel, sitting quietly on the floor watching Curious Buddies. 5 points for Abby. I think she somehow knows this gains her extra leeway with Mom. She smiled up at me as I came in and went back to watching TV. Aidan then did his superman entrance by pushing the bedroom door open with a shove until it slammed into my dresser. The dang child looked smug. "HI!"

I tallied how many years in prison I would get for the use of duct tape and rope. Instead I morphed into Bad Mommy. I yelled. I used Mom voice all the way back down the hall with the screaming toddler draped over my shoulder like a sack of, no sacks don't kick, like an extremely pissed off midget. I put him in his crib and yanked Abby's away from the wall. This momentarily stunned him quiet. I removed her bumper, blankets, stuffed animals, and every other device I'm not supposed to have in a child's crib, according to the books, and threw them on the floor. But hey, at this point I knew I was Bad Mommy, so it didn't matter if Abby had one more rhinoceros in her crib than she should have.

Next, I plunked Aidan into Abby's crib. the idea was that her crib just might be lower, and I could see it from the door. I gave him his blanket and Binky. Then I gave him a bottle just for bribery. After this, I closed the door down, but only enough to still be able to see through the crack. I stood in the hallway and waited.

He stood up; Mommy said "lay back down!" He flopped down and yelled. It became like the shampoo instructions. Stand up, mom yell, Aidan flop, repeat. In between I would rush back into my room and check on Abby. Still watching TV, 5 more points. Creep back down hallway, resume routine.

After about 10 more minutes, he suddenly quit getting up. I tried not to gasp and instead curled my hands into the sides of my skirt. Next he pulled out his Binky and took a few swigs off the bottle. Ruined teeth, ear infections, be damned this kid was going to NAP!

Then suddenly, so fast it made me believe in magical fairies with sleep dust, the eyes shut and he was out. I thought he was faking so I crept closer until my nose was against the crack and peered at him holding my breath. His breathing was soft and even. Toddler sleeping sound. I snuck back into my room, shut the door and did a dance.

I'd done it! I'd gotten him to go to sleep. Sure it was now 3pm and the usual time for him to be awake, but he was ASLEEP! The room was trashed, I was sure I had somehow damaged his psyche by forcing him to stay in the crib, but I did it all by myself and without the use of superglue! I was, once again, a capable mother.

Two minutes went by and the front door slammed open.
"MOM!!" hollered Stephan
"WE'RE BACK!” shouted Mark
"DADA!" called Abby, making her way for the hall. I whisked her into my arms and lugged my body down the stairs, waving my other arm to signal to them to shut it. Stephan walked into the kitchen. "MOM?"

I made my way through the house sounding like a deflating balloon "SHHHHHH!" Stephan looked at me like I was nuts and loudly asked "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Did no one in this house have a volume control? Had we all gone deaf at some point? Why couldn't either of them sense the ominous quiet in the house? Mark stepped into the kitchen and I handed him his daughter. They all fell silent and I knew I must have my evil-mom glare on at full force. And then it happened.

"IF ONE OF YOU WAKES UP THAT CHILD, I WILL HAVE YOUR HEADS!" Abby blinked at me from her daddy's arms as if she had just witnessed her mother's head explode.

"What happens if you do it?" Stephan asked. Mark's lips twitched.

Mommy took a time out.

To My Darling Husband

TO MY DARLING HUSBAND:

THINGS YOUR CHILDREN (Aidan age 2yrs and Abby 1 yr) DID THIS WEEKEND WHILE YOU WERE AWAY

Aidan pooped in the potty. Twice. YEAHHH.
Aidan stuck his hand in the toilet (after it flushed)
Aidan peed on the potty three different times.
He missed once.
He stuck his hand in it (Ewww!)
Abby tried to stick her hand in the toilet while Aidan was sitting on it.
Fight ensued.

Aidan asked politely for a donut
Aidan left donut sitting on bed
Following toddler rules, Abby stole donut
Abby mashed donut into itty-bitty pieces all over bedspread
Fight ensued


Both children spent plenty of time outside in the fresh air
Abby learned to say “outside”.
Abby learned to say “outside” repeatedly while sitting on my head as I lay on the bed trying to recoup my energy.
Aidan found a way to bring sand from one side of the fence into the patio
Aidan brought sand into the office
Aidan got sand on Abby
Fight ensued

Both children wanted juice
I handed both juice cups to Aidan and asked him to take one to Abby
He walked all the way over to Abby and held out cup.
When Abby did not see cup, he began to drain both cups
Fight ensued

Abby brought Mommy a book to read
Mommy read book
Abby learned to say “rabbit”
Abby said rabbit 100 times
Aidan came over to read too.
Abby hit Aidan with book
Fight ensued

Children discovered an old musical mobile

Aidan turned music on
Abby walked down the hall with the mobile, Aidan behind.
Abby wanted the animals off the mobile
Aidan wanted the mechanical part with the buttons
Both were connected.
Fight ensued

Children took bath together.
Aidan had two straws
Abby had two cups
Aidan wanted cup
Abby wanted straws
Fight ensued

Children curled up on our bed for TV time before sleep.
Aidan wanted the Bear movie
Abby wanted Baby Einstein
Both settled for Baby Einstein
Both wanted the same spot at the corner of the bed directly in front of the TV.
Fight ensued.

Aidan decided to give up and sit on Mommy
Abby suddenly decided Mommy was a better lap.
Fight ensued.

Children went to bed promptly at 7:30pm
Abby woke up once for bottle
Mommy was up until 11pm dealing with possible burglars
Aidan and Abby woke up at first light.
Mommy still wanted to sleep
Fight ensued.

See all the excitement you missed? Who needs cable? (Who has time to watch cable with these two?) We love you!