Update on Lorna's MS, kids, etc.

The blog regarding MS and pregnancy was written March 2008. My how things change.I am currently on Betaseron for my MS. I am having a relapse. Actually everything I had to keep me busy, having babies,then caring for an ailing father, has ended and now my MS is saying "hey lookie what we were doing to your brain while you were away!" 25 lesions last count (January 2008)Currently I am struggling with the heat, fatigue, and severe depression. My father, with whom I was very close passed in my home March 26, yes it's almost been 90 days and to some I'm supposed to be cool with it now.

Can anyone say Father's Day? Sucked.My ability to be a mother, my idea of a good mother, is constantly plaguing me. I should keep them cleaner. The house should be perfect. They should all see the dentist. Heck they should all be lining up to brush their teeth and wash their hands. Yeah just so Arthur can go back outside and eat dirt, Abby can color her arms with princess pink and Aidan..well he washes his hands so he can plug the sink and do experiements.Some days I dance. Some days my legs are so painful I can't be in one spot long ujness it's on the bed with my legs out straight in front of me. (Even then my legs swish back and forth because I am not comfortable.)

Most mornings I wake up feeling like an oldwoman. Things pop, creak, and do not wish to loosen. Every step is painful until I get moving some. Days and nights of pain, aches, and the coordination of a drunken elephant. So for awhile after dad's death I became a drunken elephant.

Now i am sober. I don't take most of the muscle relaxants or pain killers because they make me tired!!! Again I am on the lazy susan of antidepressants. Spin the wheel and pick one up, when it doesn't work try another!

One day it is good:Arthur is walking now. Aidan is fully potty trained and a good helper. Abby refuses to wear anything but "princess" dresses.Other days I wonder about why I am here. How am I ever going to find a balance between my medications- not too tense not too tired. The balance between children, career, husband, and Lorna.

Up side of having kids: you can't dwell in the dark for too long. Because someone walks by with a box on their head and you can't help but laugh.

Having a baby after diagnosis of MS

A recent question about going forward with pregnancy after a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis got me rolling:I had three babies since my dx of MS. They are all beautiful, spirited (gosh give me strength) and I do not regret aminute of it. (Except when trying to get a shower in. Or maybe a nap.)

Anyhow while the first 2 pregnancies had difficulties, I attribute most of it to an incorrect dx of gestational diabetes. Some OB's will tell you that MS makes you a "high risk pregnancy." some won't.From my view, being pg with MS was awesome. I finally felt normal after 5 years. My energy came back and most of my aches and pains were the same as any other pregnant woman.

The next two pregnancies(Abby and Arthur) were a bit more difficult on my system but the endresult was worth it.I never had a relapse during my pregnancies. I did get ill. Wheneveranyone in our house catches a bug, I only get a touch. (I am not currently taking any of the shots or I'd be getting sick all the time.)

Anyhow whenever I got pregnant I knew it was the real thing when I came down with an awful cold or strep throat. This is because the body suppresses the immune system naturally when pregnant. (So your body does not attack the fetus as a foreign invader.) Why the medical profession can't expand on this is beyond me.It also meant that after Aidan came along if he got a bug while I was pg with Abby and Arthur, I got sick. It sucked. But hey I had years of not being sick to make up for so that + pregnancy coddling by hubby was a nice vacation.

The worst part of all my pregnancies was joint pain in the groin area. It felt as if my uterus were going to drop to the floor when I walked. I wanted to lie on my bed with an ice pack between my legs. I've heard this "ligament pain" gets worse which each consecutivechild because the muscles are already loose.But throughout all of this I was simply an average pregnant woman.

What made me diff was gestational diabetes. Yes my first two were premature. Do I think it had anything to do with my MS? Heck no.Now for the after part. Yes there was always a relapse.

Usually about 3 months after. Maybe they started right at the beginning, but how can you tell MS fatigue from sleepless nights and after-birth pains?I had optic neuritis, fatigue, and eventually the numb spots. But they did recede and either I was left with some new daily symptoms of they only flare up with heat and stress.

My fingertips are now very odd feeling. Some days they are dead like they've been in the bath too long and others they tingle, but you get used to it. After all I AM going to button my daughter into that dress damn it! I am not going to be beaten by a small package of pudding when I can't feel that lid! And I’m definitely not going to lose the wrestling match between 10 mo old Arthur and the gazillion snaps on his outfit. I tell you it's like dressing an octopus. And not one that wants to be dressed.

So yes there was a relapse each time. Each time it was a bit harder.But you have to add in that each time I had another baby running about and more reason to be tired. Did going off the shots cause a catastrophic relapse? No. Have I gone back on the shots? Yes for a time but all they did was interfere with my ability to parent. I don't need to be laid up feeling like I havethe flu because I forgot to take my Tylenol beforehand and I don't need the headaches from Copaxone. (Besides I just don't go for the numbers in fine print on the handouts for any of these medications.Unless we're talking the heavy hitters.) Ahem off my soap box.

Would I give it up? No. Would I go back and decide not to? Nope. Come on. Miss the midnight cuddles and coos? Miss the bear, Elmo, and light bulb being flushed into the toilet? Nah. (I still have no idea where the light bulb came from.) Miss them covered from head to toe in mud and raindrops, singing at the top of their lungs "no pants! we have no pants!" Never. And by now you must be seeing the lovely chaos that is raising 3 so close together in age. And yes, I am crazy.

There are days when I’m down. I either arrange for help from family and friends, or take a slow day with the kids. They still don't believe "take a nap", is a cool game and I've been trying for years now. I also have an awesome husband who works from home and can take up slack when I am down.However he has a business to run too, so I don't always have the ability to have a relapse. If it happens, we weather it. I also have a strong belief that I should have a t-shirt which reads: This person brought to you by the pharmaceutical companies.

Moms never have much time to be off their feet in the first place.When you're a mom with MS, you get creative. Then you freak out andwonder what you've done. Then your son hands you a bouquet of wildflowers and says "I love you mom", and it's okay again. Never mind he's toddling off to fill my tennis shoes with dirt using a nice spoon.You find a way to do it and DO IT. Because you're a MOM. And that's what we do.Yes folks, Lorna has finally gotten a few things off her chest. Andnow my 15 minutes are up and someone either needs to be changed, fed,or pulled from the drapes.