The world is right again, babies are asleep

I've discovered that simply having children, especially young ones, makes a person feel bipolar. If they're crying, the world is ending and I'm never going to make it, if they're asleep, the world is right again and I know everything will be all right. If they're not crying or asleep I'm either changing a butt or feeding someone. When they nap, do I nap? Hell no. This is the time for laundry, paying bills, or staring at my closet and wondering what I should wear now that I'm no longer pregnant. If I try to nap, I lay there and wonder about what I should wear now that I"m no longer pregnant.

Or I think about what I'm going to do now. With my life. With 3 kids. And then I get scared. I knew what I was doing with 1 kid. I knew what I was doing with 2. If I didn't know, I figured it out, quickly. Last summer I knew how to be pregnant with an 11 month old. This fall I knew how to be BIG pregnant, with a big new house to manage, and 2 kids. I got it all worked into a rhythm. But I'm out of my depth now. Seriously.

If I'm feeding Abby, then suddenly Aidan is trying get on my lap. If I'm playing with Aidan, Abby wakes up and needs to be fed again. I think if I hadn't been forced, by nature and my multiple sclerosis, to quit breast-feeding I would have given up by now. Or I'd be running around trying to discipline Aidan with Abby hanging off my bare breast. It's bad enough that I never get out of my pj's and that most of my "pj's" consist of maternity clothes.

And now they're awake...