Sexy Bladder Woman

I have bladder problems. We’re not talking the mother thing where we all cross our legs when we sneeze. Nope I have a bit more of a problem than that. I’m 33 and I buy Poise pads and wear them on a regular basis depending on what I am planning to do that day.

According to which doctor you speak with I have a spastic bladder, it squeezes and releases giving me a sense of urgency or stopping my urine stream when I’m not done.

Then I also have a flaccid bladder. (Yeah that’s enough to make any woman’s self esteem shrivel up into a tiny ball.) This means my bladder fills up but does not know when it is over full into the last second or also fails to empty properly.

Dispense with the medical terms, I run in to go, I sit and wait to go, and then have to go again 15 minutes later. I also get these interesting sensations like someone is running a hot poker up my urethra. And it’s not infection we checked. I’ve tried the bladder pills. Side effect: Dry mouth. So I drink more, which means I pee more. Who thinks these medicines up? Wouldn’t you consider dry mouth as a side effect of a pill meant to make people stop peeing all the time a REALLY BAD THING? Wouldn’t you go back to your chem. lab and think of another nasty side effect like nervousness to add in, instead of dry mouth? Just a suggestion.

So the pills don’t work.

So I wear pads.

I don’t have total loss of bladder control but if I’m going to be dancing with the kids, thicker pad. If I’m on my period there seems to be a leakage problem and if I’m planning on being out for a long time or walking a bunch, need a pad for that.

Now tell me one thing. How do you wear a pee-pad with a thong?!

I mean if I want to feel sexy, which is difficult when you need to buy products from the old person diaper section, (We’ve all called it that until we ended up there), What do I do? They don’t work. Or if you try it you’re in for an interesting surprise. You thought thongs were butt floss before, add a pad and things get ALL confused. Plus you’ll walk funny (or funnier as the case may be) but it won’t make you feel sexy.So how am I supposed to feel sexy when I dribble? “Yeah this is a classic 70’s model but she has a leak.” Or need to pee in the middle of intimate situations? Or can’t bring myself to ruin sexy underwear nor put a pad in it? It really puts a damper on my mood and my self esteem might as well just roll itself up and go find another person to belong to.

There are days when I tell myself I don’t have a leakage issue and god forbid if I sneeze. Or walk. Or hop. Or hit a bump in the road. Then I get reminded that things are not as tuned up as they used to be.I’ve been told to do Kegel exercises. This is where you tighten an inner muscle you can’t even find in the first place, over and over to strengthen your retaining walls. You can do them any time of day and no one will know. Unless you get this urgency feeling with it like I do and your face screws up like you ate a lemon. But I do get to feel sexy.

Because I have a man who said “I do” no matter what. And boy did he get stuck with “in sickness.” Pee or not, pads or not, he loves me. And when I come wobbling into the bedroom in high heels that could break my neck and itchy hosiery, he loves me more just for trying. I don’t know many men that would even discuss bladder issues with their partner let alone accept them and find time to laugh about them. (Whenever he catches me sitting down fast he says “sneezed huh?”)In closing, if it weren’t for my man and his support at times when my symptoms make me feel less than sexy, I don’t know where I’d be. Probably in sweat pants eating a gallon of ice cream. Oh wait. I do that anyhow.