Update on Lorna's MS, kids, etc.

The blog regarding MS and pregnancy was written March 2008. My how things change.I am currently on Betaseron for my MS. I am having a relapse. Actually everything I had to keep me busy, having babies,then caring for an ailing father, has ended and now my MS is saying "hey lookie what we were doing to your brain while you were away!" 25 lesions last count (January 2008)Currently I am struggling with the heat, fatigue, and severe depression. My father, with whom I was very close passed in my home March 26, yes it's almost been 90 days and to some I'm supposed to be cool with it now.

Can anyone say Father's Day? Sucked.My ability to be a mother, my idea of a good mother, is constantly plaguing me. I should keep them cleaner. The house should be perfect. They should all see the dentist. Heck they should all be lining up to brush their teeth and wash their hands. Yeah just so Arthur can go back outside and eat dirt, Abby can color her arms with princess pink and Aidan..well he washes his hands so he can plug the sink and do experiements.Some days I dance. Some days my legs are so painful I can't be in one spot long ujness it's on the bed with my legs out straight in front of me. (Even then my legs swish back and forth because I am not comfortable.)

Most mornings I wake up feeling like an oldwoman. Things pop, creak, and do not wish to loosen. Every step is painful until I get moving some. Days and nights of pain, aches, and the coordination of a drunken elephant. So for awhile after dad's death I became a drunken elephant.

Now i am sober. I don't take most of the muscle relaxants or pain killers because they make me tired!!! Again I am on the lazy susan of antidepressants. Spin the wheel and pick one up, when it doesn't work try another!

One day it is good:Arthur is walking now. Aidan is fully potty trained and a good helper. Abby refuses to wear anything but "princess" dresses.Other days I wonder about why I am here. How am I ever going to find a balance between my medications- not too tense not too tired. The balance between children, career, husband, and Lorna.

Up side of having kids: you can't dwell in the dark for too long. Because someone walks by with a box on their head and you can't help but laugh.